The PostWar Era
by EcstaticFire
Summary: Athrun and Cagalli are no longer a couple, but Athrun still loves her deeply. Kira contacts Athrun to tell him some important information. It is time for Athrun to go on a trip to Orb. AxC. Merry Christmas!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed. (This is just a simple disclaimer. It has no jokes, cleverness, or funnies.)

I am Athrun Zala. I am one of the foremost Gundam Pilots in this world, whose skills can only be matched by those of my best friend, Kira Yamato. I saved many lives, but also killed many. I am a dedicated soldier and loyal friend. These are facts, no matter how conceited they make me sound. Many things can be said about me, and among these many is the fact that I am in love with Cagalli Yula Attha.

After the second Great War, our relationship became complicated. I keep questioning where we stand. We are not as close as we once were, and she no longer wears my ring. But whenever I see her, my heart feels as if it were to break all over again. This is why I can't see her tonight.

Kira had called me up, saying that there was urgent business to be taken care of. Normally I would rush to the opportunity to see Kira again, but then, he mentioned that we were meeting in Orb.

"Orb?" I had inquired. I had hesitated to reply. My head was thinking clearly and was telling my mouth to say no, but my heart, my spirit, my soul, my body, my everything was beckoning me to accept his invitation. I needed to see her again. My life force was going through withdrawals. In the good times I had seen Cagalli almost everyday. I was her bodyguard, her friend, and her lover. My life revolved around her.

"Yes, Orb," Kira had replied, "this is important, it is not a time for you to let personal feelings get in the way," he continued in his normal calm demeanor. Because it was urgent, I agreed.

But now I was really regretting it. I miss her. But she doesn't miss me. I still need her. But she doesn't need me.

"Are you sure you want to go?" Meyrin asked me as I exited my room to board the shuttle to Orb.

"No," I answered. I don't lie to Meyrin. We became close friends, and at one point potential lovers. But she knew I didn't love her. And she knew I wouldn't be happy with her. It was cruel, it was heart aching, it was many things, but we both understood that it wasn't meant to be. Meyrin is now engaged to a politician named Mark, and I am truly and deeply happy for her, even though it only reminds me of my own loneliness.

The car hummed as the chauffer drove us to the shuttle that was launching to Orb.

"You knew you would have had to see her again," Meyrin said gently.

"I knew, but I was trying to avoid it." Meyrin nodded her head as if she understood. But she didn't understand. In fact, she probably was trying to change the subject. I'm quite surprised she actually continued to be my friend even though I was moody and depressing to be around.

For the past two years, I have been pining for Cagalli, and Meyrin had been with me every step of the way. The first year was completely filled with drama about Meyrin's growing feelings towards me, and her release of them. The second year, she met Mark and fell head over heels in love with the guy. And through the two years, I have seen Cagalli 3 times. And Meyrin had comforted my tears 3 times. We have grown to be friends, perhaps developed a bond stronger than friends. It is almost as if we are siblings who love each other dearly. Like Kira and Cagalli.

The car finally reached the shuttle and we quickly boarded it. When we took off, Meyrin excused herself to go to the bathroom. Of course I knew she wasn't really going to the bathroom. She was going to contact Cagalli. Even though I have interacted with Cagalli 3 times these past 2 years, Meyrin contacts her almost every other night. Why? I really don't know.

I drum my hands on my knees as I wait for Meyrin. And as I drum, and drum, and drum, I fell asleep.

In my dream, Cagalli was with me. Geez, I sound like a lovesick romantic person, which I'm not. But in my dream Cagalli and I were in my bed as if we had just made love and I was holding her body close, breathing in her scent, feeling her soft skin, remembering her soft features, her bold features, and her beauty. I kept holding her tightly. It was a wonderful dream. In reality Cagalli and I had made love only twice. Once it occurred when I was her bodyguard. The second time we made love, was the last time I saw her.

That is also why I am dreading going to Orb. We had met by chance at a peace conference at New Newport, and when I saw her, I felt my heart expanding like a balloon, when we made love the balloon was blown bigger and bigger, and when she left I felt the balloon pop.

It wasn't like we met and we were suddenly all over each other like rabbits. When our eyes made contact, we gravitated towards each other and talked. We went to my hotel room as a way to catch up, and every second with her, my life was uplifted. We had coffee and we talked, and finally, after an hour or two, we hit the topic of the engagement ring. We talked honestly, openly, and emotionally for hours before the tension just snapped and I kissed her, and we made love slowly and meaningfully.

But when I woke up, she was gone and all she left was a note. When I read it I couldn't believe it. I must have read it hundreds if not thousands of times, and I must have cried a million times more.

But in my dream, Cagalli didn't leave. She was still there after we made love, and she was happy. She was happy in my arms, and I didn't want the dream to end. But of course it did.

"Athrun," Meyrin called. My eyes opened and I knew that the dream was only that: a dream. "We're here".

I groaned as I heard that, and I unbuckled my seat belt. When we set foot on the station, we heard Kira. He had already come to greet us…so quickly.

"Thank you both for coming."

"What happened?" Meyrin asked, "Does EA or ZAFT want to start another war?"

"No, it doesn't have to deal with either party," Kira stated.

"Then why were we called?" I was rather sharp with my response. I had come to Orb, and risked embarrassment and there was no war that needed preventing.

Kira faltered to answer, "Lacus is dying."

It took awhile for the information to seep in. Lacus, the singer, the politician, the Captain of the Eternal, my former fiancé was dying. It was difficult to find a response to that. Lacus had been a big part of my life.

"How?" Meyrin asked softly as she choked on tears.

"A piano fell on her, and that put her in intensive care."

That's when Kira began to cry. All of this was happening: I just learned that Lacus was dying, Meyrin was crying, Kira was devastated and all I could think about was how Cagalli was taking the news.

Meyrin began to comfort Kira and I stood there dumbly staring at Kira. Kira must have noticed my lost of words because he suggested that we go to their home to visit Lacus.

On the way there, Kira told me that it was almost determined that Lacus is going to die. She never woke up after the accident and is now in a vegetative state.

I'm an idiot. Lacus is dying, and Cagalli was the top priority in my mind. I kept thinking of questions: How is she? Is she sad? Does she know? Does she know I came to see Lacus? Does she tend for Lacus? How long has she known? How is she holding up?

"Cagalli is going to see Lacus later," Kira said almost as if he could read my mind. I gave him a half smile to tell him that I'm grateful that he acknowledged my conflicting feelings.

When we pulled up to Kira and Lacus's house, he took us to see Lacus immediately. He opened a door to a big well-lit room, and Lacus was lying in a bed in the middle of the room. She had monitors, and machines, and tubes strapped all around her. As I saw her lying there looking ever so vulnerably, it hit me: Lacus is really dying.

As cheesy as it sounds, I fell on my knees and cried. I cried because it was Lacus who was dying. Lacus was so innocent and never wanted to hurt others. She was so sweet, so loving, so caring, so nice and never murdered or wanted to murder yet she was dying. Lacus is the epitome of a good person, one of the best that had existed, but she's dying. It is so ironic, I almost wish I had the ability to want to attempt to laugh. I kept crying and crying because it was unfair. Kira and I killed without feeling but Lacus, who never would hurt a fly, is being punished, while Kira and I live. But I guess life is a bitch.

Kira and Meyrin helped me stand up to see Lacus. As I walked closer and closer to her, I realized that it looked simply as if she were sleeping. Her long pink hair was fanned out around her as if she was glowing, and her face looked so pale and content. She had scabs scattered across her face, but I guess that's to be expected of an accident. Kira reached for Lacus's hand.

"Hey, Athrun and Meyrin came to see you," he said softly while stroking her hand. "I'm sure they'd like to talk to you." He looked at us and I nodded. I took Lacus's hand and began to cry.

"You were such a good person, you know? You even helped Mia even though she impersonated you. You always had an understanding and wise view of everything, but now…" I choked on my words, and Meyrin had to leave because she couldn't stand looking at Lacus like this.

"It's okay, Athrun," Kira said, but I could tell he didn't even believe his own words.

"You also knew what to do when the going got rough, and it'll be hard for all of us when…when you're…gone."

I released Lacus's hand and Kira and I just sat in the room in silence listening to the heart monitor's steady beep. I don't know how long it was before the silence was broken, but it was broken by one of the most wonderful yet scarring voices I've ever heard.

"Kira, how's Lacus doing?" Cagalli came in the room, and didn't even acknowledge my presence.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed

A/N: Hmm, out of the reviews I've received so far, many of them complained about the way Lacus died. Yes, I realized it did ruin the mood, and yes, it may seem like a silly thing, but I thought a car accident or cancer was too cliché.

I also got a complaint about the way Cagalli was acting around Athrun. Well the thing is, Cagalli JUST got there and so she just hadn't noticed him yet, as you will see in this chapter.

Thank you all for your reviews! I appreciated them a lot!

Well…onward!

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"Kira, how's Lacus doing?" Cagalli came in the room, and didn't even acknowledge my presence.

I got a good look at her. She looked just the way she had looked the last time I saw her, which is just the way she's always looked. She wore her maroon and white uniform, as she always had. For a while, it seemed as if nothing had changed at all. It seemed as if Lacus were not lying on the bed dying, and it seemed as if I were still Cagalli's bodyguard. I could only wish it were that way.

When Cagalli finally turned her head away from Lacus's body and turned to face Kira, her eyes made contact with mine. They were the same beautiful fiery honey eyes, I loved her eyes. They made her seem determined when she was thinking, and made her seem innocent all at the same time. I couldn't read the expression on her face when she saw me. It was not quite surprise, not quite embarrassment, not quite amusement. Was she happy to see me? Was she angry? Did she even care?

I wanted to look away from her, but I couldn't. She was so captivating. It seemed that we looked at each other forever.

"Lacus is doing the same as usual," Kira said, breaking our contact. I gave Cagalli a half smile, in which she returned with a nod of her head.

"So she isn't doing worse," Cagalli stated bluntly. Cagalli really hasn't changed at all. She was still the woman I loved.

"Yeah," Kira said softly, "there is still a chance she could come out a live." He reached his hand out to caress Lacus's cheek. I could see the love in his eyes. He loved Lacus so much, and yet he is acting so calmly about her situation.

"I used to be so angry, you know?" Kira asked rhetorically, " I couldn't protect her, and now I'm gonna lose her…and it's not just me, the orphans are going to lose her too."

"The world, is going to lose her," I supplied.

"Yeah, the world is," Kira smiled gloomily. Kira looked out the window at the snow that began to fall gently. "Lacus always loved the holidays. I just hope she could live through this Christmas. I got to go," he said turning his face. But I could already tell that there were tears flooding his eyes. He walked briskly to the door and paused at the doorway, "I'm glad that Lacus at least knew how I felt before…the incident." He paused for a while, and Cagalli and I were staring intensely into his back, hanging on to every word. "I'm sure she would want you two to be happy." With that he closed the door.

Although I'm sure that Kira had good intentions, his speech simply replaced the somber atmosphere in the room with an awkward one. After what seemed like centuries, I finally said, "Do you visit Lacus often?"

"Everyday," she replied softly, "She was like a sister, or perhaps a mother to me. She was always willing to help." She adjusted the blankets covering Lacus's body. "It's just so paradoxical or sardonic. She was always taking care of me, now I have to take care of her." She sat back down on the chair next to Lacus. "Damn it! Why did it have to turn out like this, Athrun? It shouldn't be like this!" She began sobbing into her hands, and I felt lost.

Before I would comfort her, and hug her, and kiss her, but what am I suppose to do now? There wasn't a romantic relationship, or any relationship between us anymore, and I just felt so stupid just sitting there staring at her devastation, doing nothing. It was just so stupid. _I'm sure she would want you two to be happy_. Kira's words just hung in my head. Although they had a deep meaningful significance at the time they were said, it seems now they were just mocking me. She would WANT us to be together, but it seemed improbable if not impossible. And while, I kept thinking of this and my mind was conflicting on this, Cagalli was still sitting there crying her heart and her lungs out. I really didn't know what to do.

"There's still a chance she's going to make it, you know?" I attempted.

"Yeah, I know," she sniffled. She just looked so vulnerable, so honest, and damn it, I just loved her. Help me, I just loved her. "But you can't bring something back, that is already gone." That just hung in the air, and I couldn't help but feel a secondary meaning to her words. "She's already a vegetable, it's been a month since she's been like this. The doctors…the doctors are already asking for our decision on whether or not to pull the plug." There was a silence that was ill at ease after that. Then she started crying again, and I didn't hesitate to hug her. Lacus would want us to be happy right? I knew I was going to be happy with Cagalli, but is she going to be happy with me? She told me she wouldn't.

I kept thinking about our situation right now. I was hugging her, rubbing her back, telling her "it's alright", and I kept thinking about how she was hugging me back and submerging her head into my shoulder crying her pain out. It just felt so at ease, almost as if we've never broken up, and me comforting her was normal. I loved the feeling of her relying on me, needing me. But I knew she didn't need me. The words on the note she gave me were embedded into my mind.

_Athrun,_

_I'm sorry. I will always love you, but we aren't going to be happy together. I'm a dedicated person, and I'm already in a relationship. I'm married to my country, Athrun, the same way you're married to the ZAFT. We're already married to something more important than our love for each other. We may want each other physically at times, but we will never need each other. I don't need you, Athrun._

_I'm Sorry_

But right now it seemed to me as if she needed me, and even though the circumstances are grim, I enjoyed it. I was just holding her and letting her cry. It felt…nice.

"Lacus is going to be gone forever," Cagalli breathed in.

"We don't know that for sure," I replied as I rubbed her back.

"You're right, because she, is still living."

I glanced out the window and looked at the powdery snow that has freshly fallen on to the ground. The snow was like glitter being sprinkled to decorate our world. It was lovely.

"Tomorrow is Christmas," Cagalli stated. I nodded my head, becoming slowly aware that I was still holding her. I should have felt uncomfortable or that I had violated Cagalli's space, but she didn't complain, so why fix something that wasn't broken?

I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "It's ten, Christmas starts in two hours."

"Athrun?"

"Hmm?" I looked towards her face, which was still rested on my shoulder.

"Is it okay to feel so happy, even though Lacus is…dying?"

I didn't know how to respond to that. There were so many secondary meanings that could be derived from that statement. "As long as you aren't happy that she is dying," I finally said, "Lacus would want you to be happy." I hugged her a closer to me, "I want you to be happy too." As I said that, I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks.

"Thank you," Cagalli replied. I looked at her face and I noticed that she was blushing as well.

Then a silence ensued and it was difficult to find a safe topic to discuss. Luckily or unluckily for us, Meyrin opened the door, and we had to pull away from each other.

"Sorry, I ran out earlier," She said as she made her way towards Lacus, "it's just hard to see her like this, you know?"

"Yeah, we know," Cagalli replied.

"It's nice to see you too getting back together though, Lacus would have wanted it." Meyrin continued.

"Uh, we aren't exactly getting back together", I said.

"And we probably never will," Cagalli added. But I didn't expect her to say that, and frankly, it hurt.

"Oh, well I just assumed because you two were hugging each other…" Meyrin said, now embarrassed, "and you were enjoying it, and you both want to get back together-"

"What?" Cagalli said with an edge to her voice, "we don't want to get back together, right?" she turned towards me.

I looked at her, and her eyes were blazing in question. How am I suppose to answer that? Say no and lie to her? Or answer truthfully and get my heart stampeded on again? It was a tough decision, and my silence would only led to the latter. So I took the easy way out, I ran.

I ran out the door, out of the house, into the garden, and right into Kira.

"Athrun!" he cried, "Where are you going?"

"I don't know," my answer sounded stupid and implausible.

"Athrun, what's wrong?" Kira asked. He leaned towards me with a friendly face, and I looked at him, and he only reminded me of Cagalli. So I did the only thing that made sense at the time. I cried. I cried and cried. First, Kira was a little surprised, but he composed himself quickly and gave me a comforting friendly hug.

I don't know how long we stood like that, perhaps minutes, perhaps hours, but Kira was the one to break my crying spell.

"We're covered in snow now, let's go inside. It's warmer there." I nodded my head as he led me indoors.

"Kira! Athrun! We were so worried!" Meyrin exclaimed. I looked around the room for Cagalli.

"Where's Cagalli?" I asked.

"Athrun, there is something I need to tell you…" Meyrin said she looked nervous, and I gave her a smile to hopefully cure her discomfort, "I've been keeping contact with Cagalli these last few years…"

"I know," I said.

"Yeah, but the thing is, Cagalli told me to take care of you, two years back. And so, I would contact her every few days to tell her how you were. They weren't social calls, more like reports."

I was confused, "like a spy?"

"No, she just wants to see how you are, she worries, you know?"

"Cagalli still loves you, Athrun, and she regrets letting you go" Kira said. At that moment, I was happy. But there was still a part of me that doubted this. I needed to hear it from her mouth.

"So, why isn't Cagalli telling me this?"

"Because…" Meyrin stumbled for words.

"Because she's scared," Kira answered with a soft knowing smile.

"She's upstairs with Lacus," Meyrin said, and at her cue I raced up the stairs and opened the door to Lacus's room.

"Athrun?" Cagalli's voice was filled with confusion.

I didn't reply, instead I walked up to her, cupped my hands around her cheeks, and kissed her. She struggled at first but then she relaxed into it and her arms went around my neck and her fingers played in my hair.

I pulled away, "Cagalli, I'm not happy with out you, are you happy without me?"

She adverted her eyes and I felt a pang in my heart, she was going to say she was happy.

"I'm happy right now, because you are with me. Meyrin always told me you were happy, probably to protect me, but I was always happy that you were happy."

"I wasn't happy, I just lied to Meyrin. I love you, and I'll only be happy with you. I don't care if I have to leave ZAFT, I want to be with you."

Cagalli shook her head, "No, ZAFT needs you. I guess…we can always work around a long distance relationship. Then, when we are certain another unnecessary war doesn't start, you can move to Orb, and live with me."

She said it so confidently as if it were already determined, and I can only smile to that, "Sounds good." I replied. I leaned forward again and kissed her, passionately and lovingly. When we pulled away, I looked towards Lacus's body and I could've sworn, I saw her smiling at us.

The clock struck, it was now midnight.

"Merry Christmas, Athrun."

I smiled at her and kissed her again, "Merry Christmas, my love."


End file.
